With an upcoming trip to Baton Rouge via New Orleans, I am confronted with a serious concern. I worry Ms. Bulldoginexile will actually end up smacking someone in the mouth. Not a girly slap or some openhanded over the top girl punch. I mean a full on, closed fist step into it punch. The wife isn’t by her nature a violent person or even prone to fighting, even when drinking. However, the combination of Georgia football and idiots yelling at her from about three inches away just really brings out something in her. While I know Tiger Stadium can be a great place to see a ball game, even for a visiting fan, I am still concerned.
While motherhood has mellowed her (it should, we have three awesome, but very rambunctious kids), she doesn’t suffer foolishness much. By foolishness, I mean a drunk wearing an opposing team’s colors who has crossed the imaginary line between good natured ribbing and outright belligerence. She loves the camaraderie of college football and understands what fandom is about. However, she also has a short fuse about certain things like personal space. For example, she no longer goes to Georgia/Florida because of “the mulleted mutants” there.
The day I was sure I would marry her was the 2001 Auburn game. It was her first Georgia season. She was new to all of this. Ken Tucker, my college friend, was doing some cross cultural dating. He was dating an Auburn grad. The soon to be fired Auburn girl didn’t feel comfortable sitting with the Georgia people, so in an effort to hook Ken up, we ended up in the Auburn section. The inevitable happens, Jasper doesn’t score and the Dawgs lose. On the way out of the stadium, someone steps in front of my future wife and yells in her face.
Drunk frat boy, sing song, but slurry: “You lost! We kicked your ass! Ha Ha!”
My very soon to be pre-fiancee, in a bassy Kathryn Turner voice: “It’ll be real funny when you’re known as the dude that got his ass knocked out by a bitch.”
Somebody get me a preacher.
Seriously, she can take care of herself. She threw hammer and shot put in D-1 and drinks Makers on the rocks. She’s had three kids in three years and puts up with me. I just worry that some cajun hopped up on Dixie and unfiltered Camels will get in her face (not unlike the one LSU fan in the entire state of Illinois who got in my face this morning with ‘only two days until your downward spiral to the Peach Bowl’). Luckily, I am not sure she’ll be able to understand what they are saying, so it could easily end with her giving them a ‘what the hell’ look and moving on. Either way, I know the taunts are coming, and I know she’ll give them back just the same.