One of the things I have noticed about living outside the South (both times I have done so) is the perceived class superiority other areas of the country have over the South. Yes, generalizations have their roots grounded in reality, but I have found that people are no more or less bigoted in the DC area or in the Midwest than in both parts of Georgia I have lived in. I am not making a declaration or political statement, just making a statement of observation.
Another thing people outside the South think they have a class superiority advantage over those in the South is pwt. Again, I am not saying this as a judgmental statement. I myself have fit firmly in the pwt category at times in my life. I lived in a duplex and drove a bitchin’ primer on white Camaro with the headliner falling for a couple of years. I have served mac and cheese with hot dogs as a main course. I have been to parties near Alma in a trailer park where the fire department had to be called as a result of someone (me) pouring diesel on a fire, because diesel burns hotter. I have had a plastic swimming pool full of beer beside the couch on my front lawn…for more than a week. I have seen two chicks make out while I held their PBRs (ok, now I am bragging). Seriously, I am not making a judgmental statement when I say pwt. However, the Midwest wins hands down for pwt ratio.
For sometime after I met Mrs. Bulldoginexile, her mother would make snarky comments when someone did something stupid, such as set themselves on fire or marry Howard Stern. Such comments were usually centered on “they must be from Georgia.” Being smart about future mother-in-law relations (and having some prior experience to boot), I just let it go for nearly three years. That ended when someone got gigged over one of the bridesmaids at a wedding many of my wife’s family attended. Said gigging occurred while the reception was going on. I would like to say it was a West Side Story kind of thing, but there were three dudes fighting over her, so the choreography was much more complicated. Her husband is the one that got gigged. After I found out the dude was ok, I did my happy dance, ran around the house singing “We are the Champions” and declared that I would never again listen to someone make the comment “they must be from Georgia.” The title of less pwt was safely mine.
Since then, I have kept the title locked away due to various other events and observations:
- My in-laws attended a wedding where the bride and groom were very closely related (in my in-law’s defense, the bride and groom grew up way off from one another and they were there because the groom’s mom begged them to come).
- I have renamed Wal-Mart feet, “Pamida feet.” That is even more funny when it is 40 degrees and raining. In April.
- Tramp stamps that are Bible verses. I don’t really know what to say about this. I actually had a picture, but it was blurry and I am pretty sure the girl was younger than 18, so I decided not to get into possible child porn issues (she had on a bikini, you freaks).
- Overheard at a theme park in the Midwest: “I don’t think I’d let my teenage daughter show her tattoo if she got it there.”
- Someone at said theme park asked if they left their teeth in the car or in the locker room. I have to assume it was because of the wave pool at the water park, but we weren’t in the water park at the time.
- A family sharing one cigarette outside a McDonald’s. Not just mom and dad were toking.
Just wanted to gloat.